Saturday, April 30, 2005


At Tory Central Office

I sneak into a high-level meeting at Tory Central Office.

It’s not like the old one in Smith Square: it is over a coffee bar. I was just making a few observations to Tim Collins about school discipline when he was called away to make a skinny latte for someone.

Lynton Crosby is very pleased with life. Apparently his strategy revolves around making everyone think that the Tories have no chance.

And it is going very well. All over the country Tory candidates are sending out leaflets that give the impression that they are designed to appeal to elderly Mosleyites and nobody else.

He reveals his new poster. It is a giant photo of Michael Howard with the slogan “Vote for this drongo? I’d rather have me todger sawn off with a rusty tin of Fosters!”

“That should lull the bastards,” he enthuses.

Howard asks if this is really necessary. Crosby asks what else he proposes.

“You don’t expect people to vote for you because they trust you or like your policies, do you Michael?”

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